Alphabetical Aphrodisiac *take me there*

As if your heart
Beats on my heart’s accord in
Cadence, I
Dream of a love that makes my heart race
Each night I dream of you
Forgetting that my mind has a tendency to wander
Grasping thoughts of intimate moments with you
Hoping that you dream these dreams too
I think I love you
Just enough to have aphrodisiacal thoughts of your internal anatomy
Keeping in mind that you are a sacred jewel
Lusting after what lies beneath and underneath
My mind wanders even more
Never losing focus of the heart’s simultaneous cadence
Often I have these dreams….wet, intense
Powerful
Questioning where we go from here
Ready for what you have in store
Savoring each moment with you as if it were our last
Tasting the juices that flow through your mind, you are one of a kind
U are the love of my life and I
Vow to be yours for life
Wanting you in every way possible right before
You fall asleep. I want you to fulfill the ABC’s. At least before you catch your
Z’s

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
You complete me.

The Meantime....this is some REAL shit....

This piece is dedicated to anyone who has been here before. Anyone who is living in the meantime, has lived in the meantime or will encounter the meantime. The meantime can be drug addiction, alcoholism, divorce, financial instability, unemployment, lack of resources....anything that is a struggle to get through. The meantime is some real shit. I've been here before.


It's almost impossible to look forward to the future when you are stuck in the meantime....
Meantime bills that are past due
Meantime lovers who don't quite find the time to love you, too
Meantime hunger that sure as hell ain't gonna feed itself
Meantime loneliness that craves the presence of someone else
Shit, in times like these, the future is the very last thing on your mind
How is it possible to even think about the future when it's a struggle just to make it through the meantime?
Nights filled with crying....
Feeling like your soul is slowly dying....
Scraping up nickels and dimes....
To feed a hunger that ain't gonna feed itself
Meantime will have you damn near contemplating a crime just to put food on your shelves
Meantime will have you ready to do harm to yourself....
Just to make it go away
But at the end of the day....
You keep on keepin' on with hopes that meantime ain't here to stay
I mean there are only so many times you can pray
Before you lose faith....
And I am convinced that you have to do more than pray just to make it today
I mean, at least for the meantime....

Sometimes meantime will have you dealing with things that are not even your fault
Meantime will have you taking from others with hopes that you don't get caught
Cuz 9 times out of 10 your bottom line is that you've gotta eat, too....
And you have to feed the hunger that lives inside of you
And it sure as hell ain't gonna feed itself
So you have no other choice but to play with the cards that you are dealt
And very rarely do you end the game feeling like a winner
Even if you play the cards right, you still end up feeling like more than a sinner....
But what are you supposed to do when that hunger inside of you cries for dinner?
And you know that you don't have the resources at hand to feed the hunger's cry
Shit, meantime will have your ass ready to just lay down and die
All bullshit aside....
Even when you have tried all that you can try
Just to get by
The hunger remains alive
And when you wake up the next day, meantime is right by your fucking side....
Make it through
Even if you don't believe in yourself; someone in this world really needs you....
Believe that and do what you gotta do
To make it through
The meantime

Breakdown....living in depression's aftermath

If there is anyone that you know who suffers from depression, please encourage them to seek help. I recently suffered from a major depression bout and it is not a healthy thing. This piece was written in the midst of that phase.

As if Corona, Smirnoff Vodka and Swisher Sweets are intended to be anti-depressants....
I indulge in their comfort to bounce back from life's lessons....
and harsh realities
Realities that loudly scream
That I will never have the resources to live above my means
Not even enough to meet my financial needs
Realities that fucking scream
That in this world, the fact that I have worked my ass off for a Master's degree....
Still don't mean shit....
Because if it did, a bitch like me wouldn't be struggling to make a dollar out of fifteen cents
Or working two minor wage jobs just to pay bits and pieces of my bills
Shit like this got me in the dumps for real....
And fuck what you heard, this is some real shit
Just about as real as it gets
Just plain out fucking depression
Not in need of consultation, prayer or another mu'fuckas suggestions
Just a fucking opportunity....
To exert the passion inside of me
Knowledge and passion that expand far beyond a degree
Knowledge and passion that they will never be able to see
More than likely
Because they won't give a bitch the opportunity....
To be all that she can be....
And so my only option is to scream
Fuck THIS WORLD

This depression got me having my friends just think I am going through a phase....
Little do they know, I have been battling this shit for days
Got me sending my mama's calls to voicemail
Just so she will never figure out that I have failed....
At my attempt to "be grown"
And even though I am 25, it's too much of a struggle for me to do this shit on my own....
Got me telling friends that I am under the weather; just to avoid social interaction
Got me taking shit off of other people; which is generally not Mykie's reaction
But it has to be for now, so I just play absent-minded and crazy
Acting like none of the shit I encounter phases me....
But let's just say that people of the world are lucky that they caught me at a depressed time....
Because I am usually not one to hold anything in this rebellious soul of mine....
But since I am depressed....
I don't even try anymore to get shit off my chest
Absorbing other mu'fuckas passive aggressiveness
My life ain't got more room for extra fucking stress
While I am hoping these mu'fuckas ain't putting me to the test....
So I cry a few tears, and let Corona and Vodka handle the rest
Depression has me emotionally paralyzed; can't eat,can't sleep, can't laugh
I am just a disadvantaged bitch living in the midst of depression's aftermath....

Love For Life. Beauty. Divine.

She was innocent, introverted and just pure sweet....
I was experienced, rough around the edges and street
And many years later she is still the one who makes my life complete
She is the bump bump bump in my heart’s beat
The one who fulfills my every need....
And more
She is still the one that I adore
She is still the one I would lay down my life for
She is all that I desire in life, and everyday I love her more and more
And if anyone thinks that opposites don’t attract….
Just take two steps back
And look at the love that we share
More precious than life itself; we happen to be a perfect pair
A pair who knew that it was love on site
At first sight….
Cupid had a stellar plan by making her the love of my life
She is in my heart to stay
And on her back my name is engraved
To represent that her heart is mine
Love for life. Beauty. Divine.

Time Is Not On My Side....

I miss the early 90’s....

The days where my days revolved around hop scotch and jump rope

And piecing together constellations through a telescope

The days that were always filled with hopes....

And dreams

Because these days it seems

Like this life ain’t for me

And time sure as hell is not on my side

Because….

If it was

Those bill collectors would understand that I need two more weeks....

At least

And my employer would clearly see that I need more time off

To get my shit together and to gather my thoughts

And my friends would accept that I send their calls to voice mail for a reason

And my lover would know when to give me space instead of me getting up and just leaving

Her behind....

Because time ain’t on my side

And sometimes I just need some space….

If time was on my side….

I wouldn’t feel so aged and the age of twenty-five

And my life would be filled with peace

As it used to be

When my days revolved around hide and go seek

And playing pick-up basketball games in the middle of the street

And using my grandma’s pots and pans to make hip-hop beats

And chasing down the ice cream truck for sweets

Because these days it only seems….

Like I am struggling just to make ends meet

Ain’t even got time to get a good night’s sleep

This life is getting the best of me....

Damn, I miss the early 90's....

Because I Love You....from the bottom of my heart

I will be the first to admit that I am not much a dancer....
But if that's what it would take for me to express my love for you....
I would One-Two Step straight to your heart out of the blue
And I would Cha-Cha Slide my love into your hands
I would get Foot Loose all night long and still save you my last dance....
Because I love you and I want to Twist and Shout sweet romance
With you....

I'll be honest about the fact that there is not an artistic bone in my body....
But even DaVinci wouldn't have shit on me
If it was artistry
That was the basis of our love....
I would sculpt an abstract piece just for you
And I would hand paint a portrait of my love for you
I would develop a colorful piece from all things primary-from red to yellow to green to blue....
All of this only for you
I would oil paint rainbows across your heart
I would crotchet a love that can never be torn apart
I would shape and mould your hands in mine
I would carve a love that will withstand the test of time
Forever
Just to be with you....

I have never claimed to be musically talented....
But if that is what it would take....
I would sing a melody from the bottom of my soul
I would stretch my voice from high to low
I would be all of the alto and the tenor that you need
And if you needed bass; look for me
Lover, I would be everything you would ever need
Musically
Completely
And even though I can't sing....
I would do it for you
Only because....
I love you....

In Your Absence....

In order to comprehend this piece in its entirety, you must have some familiarity with classic R&B singers and songs and classic African-American writers. Enjoy.

I play love songs in your absence….
And quite frankly
There are only so many more times I can hear Patti say SOMEBODY LOVES YOU BABY
Before I go crazy
Or find myself stuck in a daze
Having withdrawals from your SILKY SOUL like Frankie Beverly and Maze
Got lyrical verses fucking with my mind
How many more nights will I have to hear Luther cry….
IF ONLY FOR ONE NIGHT....
Got me wishing like Marvin….IF THIS WORLD WERE MINE….
But this is only music to my ears

I translate romantic poetry in your absence….
Got me relying on Giovanni’s words to make it through
While I sit here and absorb the advice of Angelou
Thinking only of you
While I embrace the works of Langston Hughes
With BeBe Moore Campbell yelling from the nightstand “your blues ain’t like my blues”….
And I reply….girl please….in my Patti voice….IF ONLY YOU KNEW….
But this is only literature for my soul….
As I wait for you to come back home

Natural Poet

I am a natural poet….
Been piecing together poetic sentences from birth
Transforming rhymes into rhythms from the moment I stepped foot on this Earth
Not to be a crowd pleaser
Nor a poetic teaser….
Just because I have some shit to say
There is no other way to explain
Except the fact that I was born this way

I am a natural poet….
Speaking out against actions that are just not right
Never bowing down, always ready to put up a fight
Bringing the hidden issues to light
Through verses that speak volumes to the ones who feel me
Putting duct tape over the mouths of the ones who speak against me
Because I am poetically
Genius
And it’s a natural consequence
From the day my mother delivered me I have been like this
With lyrics to spit
Not putting up with nobody else's shit
Approaching controversy
Like it’s a one-way street
Brushing drama off my shoulders smoother than Jay-Z
Letting the world know they can’t fuck with me
I am never too blind to see
What lies beneath
The surface of life
Making solid decisions without thinking twice
Jumping through obstacles like the Olympics are calling my name
The realest truth spitter in the poetry game
Could care less if mu’fuckas know my name
Not out for the fame
Showing no shame
I am....
The natural poet
And you didn’t even know it….

Set Me Free....a dedication to Mother Nature-the Most High

Most High
Mother Nature….
Set me free
To a land where the sounds of the birds and the bees
Are mellow melodies
To my soul

Set me free
To a place where Autumn’s leaves
Are all that I need
To be complete
And at One

Take me as I am
Set me free
To a place where I can unleash my dreams
And be….
Set
Me
Free
So
I
Can
Breathe

Take me as I am
To a place where Maple Trees
Wrap their arms around me
For comfort
Take me as I am
To a place where I can clearly see
What you have planned for me
Next lifetime….

Surround me with your creation and its natural beauty
Please
Take
Me
Set
Me
Free….

The Boundary....never cross it

If someone would have told me in the beginning that this love thing would eventually come to an end…
We would have just remained friends
And you would still be the first one I call with good news
And the first one I call to cry the blues
And I will still be a part of you
And you a part of me
But instead we took a shot at this love thing
And what a big mistake we made
And as a result of this mistake
We’ve only endured heartache and pain
As result things will never be the same
And we only have ourselves to blame
For the fact that we are no longer best-friends
Now I am here and you are there
And somehow the whole situation seems unfair
Because I need you now more than I ever have
To turn these painful tears into laughs
To assure me that things will eventually be okay
I need to feel lifted and only you could make me feel this way
Because only you could understand….
But we jeopardized all of this because we decided to kiss lips and hold hands
Instead of just being best friends
I miss you
I really do
Friend

I Knew I Was A Feminist....

I can half-way accept the notion that all men are created equal; but what about me?
The fact that I possess a vagina excludes me
From receiving the same equality
I mean....
I knew I was a feminist from the time that I was conceived
I knew that I would be expected to be a follower and never expected to lead
You see....
I knew I was a feminist at the tender age of five
When I witnessed my man of a father give my mother a black eye
Shit, I knew I was a feminist
Because I was the one who jumped on his back
To rescue her from being attacked
I was the one who hit him with a plastic baseball bat
And told him to never, ever, ever touch my mama like that
That's when I knew for sure that I was a feminist
From the outside looking in, it may seem that I was just a little girl; breaking up a domestic fight
Or trying to stop my father from abusing my mother that night
But I knew, at that very moment within my heart that I was standing up for womens' rights
And that's when I knew for sure, it was clarified, I was a feminist
And I knew I was a feminist, just the other day
When I noticed how our society rejects lesbians and gays
When there are more urgent and immediate issues that we face from day to day
Like how inflation is overtaking our lives, while our wages remain the same
And how the public school system requires our kids to say the pledge of allegiance; but forbids them to pray
And how we ask our President why we are at war and he has nothing at all to say
Because he feels no need to explain
It is for these very reasons that I remain a feminist today
You see, I feel feminism in my heart-therefore I know that its alive
Because I knew I was a feminist at the tender age of five....

Unity

You see
You and me….
We are in our own little world
A world where nothing else matters
A place where happiness is scattered
In the least expected places
Smiling faces
Satisfied desires
Spirits that are lifted higher
Than the sky
In this world that consists of only you and I
Just you and me
You see

You and me….
We have something special and unique
Something romantic among many other things
We share laughter and we share dreams
And nothing will ever intervene
With this wonderful thing
That connects you and me

You see
You and me….
We exist in unison and we are complete
As I am in love with you
And you are in love with me
Together forever
Unity....

Undercover Lover (I miss you like crazy)

....next thing I knew

out of the blue

we were doing things that only lovers do....

and she wasn't my lover

thus this romance was undercover

and between the sheets

as she crawled on top of me

and camoflauged our naked bodies between the sheets

as she added more fire to the heat

of my desire

sweet

caramel

desire

to have all of her

at once

we moved from the bed to the chair

as she stared

deepinto my eyes

and at that moment

I saw love

as she glanced

and our tongues danced

as my fingers traveled deep into her pants

making sweet, mellow romance

making music with my finger tips

as she kissed my lips

I felt love

at once....

For You I Want To Be....

For you I want to be....

All that you are to me

Presently

Completely

And holistically

I want to be the oxygen that you breathe

And at the very center of your dreams....

When you are asleep

And a shoulder when you need to lean

I want to be the wind beneath your wings

Lover you are all of these things

And I want to be all that you are for me

I want to be your sunshine through the clouds

Your silence when life gets too loud

Your smile that replaces the frown

The axis that makes your world go round and round

It is for you that I desire to be

All of these things

Because this is what you are for me

My everything

The reason that I breathe

My fulfillment when I am need

You are all of these things

To me

And for you I want to be....

Sweet, Sensual Symbolism (for my secret love)

If sunlight symbolized my love for you....

You would be the deepest ray

Shining through

Turning skies to blue

From grey....

And you would be the force that rotates

Night to day

The force that blooms flowers in May

Just that one single ray

The one that lightens my path every single day

Strong and bright

Powerful enough to bring blindness to sight

And strong enough to pull day out of night

And bring pure sunlight

Pure, deep light....

If poetry symbolized my love for you....

You would be a perfectly balanced HAIKU

And you would be the rhythm and you would be the rhyme

And you would be the subject of the HAIKU's second line....

The one that goes: I- AM- SO- IN- LOVE- WITH- YOU (7)

Because I am

And forever will be

And those seven syllables connect you to me

With the deepest sincerity

Only if poetry

Symbolized my love for you....

It would reveal the fact that I am deeply

In love with one who symbolically

Represents poetry

With emphasis on the second line

I-AM-SO-IN-LOVE-WITH-YOU (7)....

If nature symbolized my love for you....

You would be

A bright yellow Peonie

That spreads its petals in the spring

And you would be

The reason that birds sing

The beauty in butterflies wings

You would naturally be everything

Because everything is you

And I am so in love with you....

Tonight....I Must Write....a dedication to social injustice

With all things at surface, I am forced to write
And somehow I feel as though tonight is the night
For me to just write
At least tonight....
I must write

I must write for the sake of my sanity
For others who have no voice
For the lover who is abandoned by love
And for the victim who has no other choice
Tonight....
I must write
I must write for the lonely girl who lies awake at night
With hopes that she will someday overcome her post-traumatic fright
At least tonightI must even write for the stranded man who still needs a ride
And for the homeless man who sleeps outside
I must write for the isolated teenager who has no friends
I must continue to write for the battered single mother who has been victimized by men
The one who has a four-time broken heart to mend
The one who has no one else on whom she can depend
The one who relies on the government to meet her financial needs
The one who has four hungry mouths to feed
The one who decides to remain unemployed and spend her welfare check on crack and weed
The one who repeatedly goes back to her abuser because she has nowhere else to go
I must write for her, and for the young black man who sits on death row
Spending the rest of his life in jail-even though he is innocent
I must write tonight because racial profiling is a BITCH
Tonight....
I MUST write

I must write for the elderly woman who is being short-changed by Medicare's faulty system
I must write for the innocent Iraqi who is potentially America's next innocent victim
I must write for that public school that sits in the middle of the ghetto
The one that doesn't have computers yet, and still uses text books from 20 years ago
While the suburban kids get their own personalized laptops and have access to virtual books
While the suburban kids get shaped into doctors and lawyers; and the less-fortunate are shaped into murderers and crooks
It is a must that I write....
At least tonight
Because this shit just ain't right
And this injustice is weighing on my heart and my mind
Forcing me to write tonight
I must write for the hard worker who is underpaid
The one who has a family to support; but only earns minimum wage
And tonight I must write for you
And for my therapy too
I must write for the homosexual couple who is not accepted in this nation
And for the sexually molested woman who has ironically chosen prostitution as her occupation
I must write because a great portion of our society will never be able to afford proper healthcare
I must write because we have a leader in office who will never even care
About the poor, the less fortunate, the ones in poverty
Truth is, he will never give a fuck about you and he will never give a fuck about me
You see....
This is why I must write
At least tonight....

For The Stranded Man Who Needed A Ride....

I saw your hazard lights from about a mile away
I never stopped
I never stopped to see if there was anything that I could do
To help you
Because I feared you
Because you were a man
Not because you were stranded

I saw you in the three feet of snow
With nowhere to go
Empty-handed
I never stopped
I never stopped thinking of how miserable men have made my life
And how many of them are abusive to their wives
And how many of them commit adultery without thinking twice
AndI never stopped
I tried to pretend as if I didn't see you there
But as soon as I looked at you we made eye contact and I saw through your empty stare
You just needed a ride
To work
Or home
Or to the bar
Or to see your mistress
Or whatever
I never
Stopped

I saw you shiver so desperately
As you waved at me
To ask me
Just for a ride
And I never stopped
I never stopped wondering what you would do to me if I let you in
Because the last time I let a man get in
He tormented my life and I promised myself to never let it happen and again
And so I didn't let you in
AndI just never stopped
You see
My morality
Attempted to convince me
To stop
But it was my post-trauma
That witnessed a man rape my mama
That saw my grandmother subordinate
That witnessed my get stood up on my very first date
That saw me lose my virginity against my own will because he refused to wait
That saw my best-friend's black eye and bloody nose from her abusive mate
It wouldn't let me stop
Not because you were stranded
I left you there cold and empty-handed
Because you were a man....

Heartbreak In September

She was born in September
Under the stars
In the Midwest
With love

She was born in September
With other Libras who longed for her connection
And her energy
That somehow fueled my fire
Ironically
Because I am a Pisces
Yet, she still touched me
Like she touched other Libras
And I welcomed it
Almost as much as I opposed her rejection
Of me
The lonely Pisces
Who fell in love with a heartbreaking Libra
Under the stars
In the Midwest
It was true love
She had the passion of a writer....
Her eyes reflected a field of Sunflowers
That somehow overpowered
The tornados and windstorms
Of her region
Because she was born in September
In the season
When hearts cry
Flowers die
And I
Am suddenly left behind
Only in September
She had eyes full of glow
And a silhouette that resembled perfection
But I was a Pisces and she was a Libra
And somehow we disconnected
Under the half moon
That may have eventually been complete
OnlyIf I had not been born a Pisces
For it is only in September
That I tend to remember
That she broke my Piscean heart into fiery pieces

The History In My Mother's Eyes....a dedication to my mama

I saw history in your eyes the moment the doctor placed my underweight body in your arms....

it was that unique type of history

the type that is eventually

made into a documentary

for the entire world to see

it was 1981, March fourteenth

and your eyes revealed a strong history

when you looked down at me

the newborn baby

that stared right back at you

I was an hour old; but I could see through the pupils in your eyes

that behind that smile you hid years of painful cries

and I just looked

I wasn't yet prepared to speak

but I saw through your MOTHERLY strength

because your eyes revealed that you were weak

you see

you were in a place that you absolutely didn't desire to be

even though you continued to smile down at me

I saw you too Mama

I read your mind as the tears streamed down your cheek

and as the tears came faster; your eyes became more weak

and I saw you

and then I cried too

because now I was a part of that history that hid behind your eyes

I was a victim of that pain and those years of sorrowful cries

that history was mine too

and I looked back at you

it was me

the newborn baby....

the one you held close to your heart

I was not scared

I had no fear

I was just thankful that I had you near

and you had me

that newborn baby

that stared deep into your history

the baby gyrl you named Mykie

as I am, and forever will be

a part of your life and your history

for eternity

thank you mama

for life....

Geographic Disadvantage

I guess we can blame the Mississippi River for this great divide....
Afterall, it is to blame for me not being able to have you right by my side
And I guess we can blame the Colorado Rockies
I would be able to touch you from here if it wasn't for their peaks
And I guess we can blame every lake, every river and every bayou
Their depths become deeper every time I attempt to be with you
And I think we should blame every pouring rain and every thunderstorm
And every tornado that has ever taken form
And of course, let's blame the hurricanes that come every season
And let's blame all earthquakes and sand storms for the exact same reason
The same reason that I cannot have you today
Is because geography is designed this way
Therefore, we are at a geographic disadvantage in this world shaped like a sphere
And this is the reason I cannot have you here
So for now I can only stare at the moon
With hopes that I can see you soon
And make wishes at the stars that shine in your direction
Hoping that you will be able to feel my affection
From here
Though I wish you were near
But you are just too far away
For me to share my love with you today
We are naturally at a disadvantage I must say
Only because geography is inconveniently designed this way
I miss you....

The Arctic Heart

My father was brutally murdered when I was seven years old. This piece is a reflection of my feelings towards that experience.

My heart is so cold; if you touched me you would freeze
my heart is so very cold, below freezing, at the most negative degree
my heart has solidified into an ice cube with four chambersthe coldest object on earth
my heart is too cold to love, to care, to even want to give birth
for who would bring another innocent life into this frozen dome?
who would desire to live in this arctic igloo that we all call home?
my heart is so cold, I stood on the equator once, and I froze the universe
everyone thought it was an ice storm; only I knew it was a curse
a curse that I placed on them all for freezing my heart
for murdering my daddy; for tearing my family apart
so now I look at the snowmen through my frozen eyes
and I stare at them until I start to cry
the tears move rapidly as they run down my face
they run so fast, non-stop, like a criminal on a high-speed chase
but
then
I
realize....
that this liquid hate on my face is the hottest feeling I have ever felt
a drop fell from my eye and the entire world began to melt
the fiery heat of anger, the scorching heat of hate
the fluids of my body....no longer in the solid state.

Transcendental Thoughts

Sometimes I just want to sink into the sheets
and make believe
that no one else is in this world with me
and dream
about being free
and escape the harsh realities
of what it is like being me

Sometimes I just want to runaway into blazing sun
And never look back on my life, or regret anything I've done
All by myself on this journey through life, I long to be the only one
I just want to runaway to a place where I can be alone
a place where silence whispers my name
where there is no one else to blame
and the sound of the midnight train
whispers mellow tunes in my ears
that is all I want to hear
when I runaway from all of my fears

Sometimes I just want to lie face down in the leaves
with no one else next to me
and dream
about being free
and about the winds forceful blow
and tell secrets to the trees that no one else knows
I just want to lay down where names are never spoken
in a place where smiles are never frowns and hearts are never broken
I just want to lay
in those leaves today
in solitude
just me

When You Look At Me....

When you look at me....
what do you see?
are you quick to judge me
by the many qualities
that I possess EXTERNALLY
by criticizing my anatomy
and basing your judgment of me
solely and completely
on just my physiology
without being consciously
aware of the many qualities
that I possess INTERNALLY?
because if this is only
your basis of judging me
there is much more to see
and to know....

I mean, if you looked at me internally
you would quickly see
that it wasn't me
that made the decision to lose my virginity
and that HE
forced his dick inside of me
while I was yelling and pleading
for him to just release me
from his masculinity
and his forceful catastrophe
that he called his dick
you see
he forced his dick inside of me
because he wanted some brand-new pussy
and he wanted to test my femininity
by busting my innocent cherry
never understanding....
that my shit was sacred
and pure....
Disrespecting the fact that I was not ready yet
And that I promised my grandma that I would at least finish my degree before I decided to have sex
And that I was proud of the fact that my cherry had never been popped
He never even took pride in the fact that even though I wasn't giving it up; he still had this shit on lock
he didn't give a fuck
he was just another nigga from around the way tryin' to fuck
he forcefully
wanted some pussy
and he got it....
whether I wanted him to or not

And if you looked deeper at me
internally
you would soon discover
that I have issues trusting another
and that I am over-protective of my little brother
only because he is a young black man
and because there is shit he is not allowed to do that other people can
like getting a job with benefits and insurance that carries his daughter
and standing up to his baby mama
without being judged as a dead beat father
why isn't he allowed to stand up for himself?
and ride around town with rims on his ride
without being victimized
and pulled over and quesitoned about a homicide
that he doesn't fucking know about
why can't that nigga just ride
like everybody else?
poor
young
black
man
and if you looked at me internally you would feel what I am sayin'
just look at me internally.....

and when you look at me internally don't assume that I am not a survivor
and that I am just cool calm chic, just assume that this bitch is on fire
I am flaming and scorching over the state of the world
and internally I am heated because I am a minority because I was born a girl
and that the color of my skin makes people look at me twice
and that because I live in a closed-minded state I will never be able to make my lover my wife
I can only just love her
undercover
like this shit ain't for real
just look at me internally and I will soon reveal
how I truly feel
on the inside
just look

Just look at me internally and you will be exposed
to the shameful fact that I have put powder up my nose
and dressed myself in slutty clothes
and done things that no one knows
just to fit in
committed all kinds of sins
betrayed the best of my friends
been places that no one else has ever been
I sed to smoke marijuana every now and then
just to erase what was real
just look at me internally and i will soon reveal
what you have neglected to see
only
because you judge me externally

Part Three of a Love Confession

My heart is nothing more than a muscle of love
and when I dream of peace
and when I dream of love....
it is only you that my heart dreams of

My eyes are nothing more than aides to help me see
that in order to be all that I can be
and to dream all that I can dream
and to see all that I should see....
the only thing I will ever need
is you right next to me
for eternity
affectionately
just you and me
I'm thankful that I can see....

My ears are nothing more than amplifiers of your whispers
that allow me to hear
your love for me loud and clear
and to know that you are near
I am so thankful to have you here
in this heart of mine
whisper that whisper one more time.....
the one that goes
I love you
ooooh....
I love you,
too.

What Is Love....a question that we all should ask ourselves

Is love just a word?
Or is it an action?
Is it for pleasure?
Or satisfaction?
Is love deep, like a river or stream?
Or is love just a dream?
Can love be defined in a dictionary of words?
Can love be seen and can it be heard?
When the weather is cold, does love freeze?
Or does it melt in the most heated degrees?
Love is an expression that has to be shown....
And the qualities of love will forever be known....

I Love Her....all of her

This poem is dedicated to "you and only you" and you know who you are....

I love her
All of her
For no reason at all
I just do.

I love her existence
I love her being
I love her presence
I love her compassion
Her dedication
To me.

I am patient throughout her moody days and her bad ones too
I am her support system for whatever she goes through
Because I love all of herI really do.

I love her intelligence
I love her past
Even though I hope I am never a part of it
Shit
I can't imagine going a day without her
Just becauseI love her
All of her
I really do.

I love her goals
And her plans for her future
I even finally supported her departure
Because I love her
All of herI really do.

She loves my smile
We connect on so many levels
My funny faces and crazy dances
Bring smiles to her face on a regular basis....
Not because they're funny;
Because she loves me
Too.

She loves my spontaneity
She loves my energy
Little does she know that my smiles are direct results of her presence
My energy is her energy
My happiness is a result of her being
The essence of her beauty
The reality of her love
For me.

It is she that I call when I am lonely or frantic
It is she who receives long love letters in the mail, because I'm in love and romantic
What a perfect combination
I love her
All of her
I really do.

It is she that I call to say "have a good day"
I send countless emails to her work www just to say
You are in my heart to stay
And nobody in this world makes me feel this way
It is she who makes me homemade oatmeal with just the right sprinkles of brown sugar and 2 percent milk before I leave for work
Just because she loves me too
When she comes in town, it is my bed that we lay in arm in arm
Listening to slow jams and daydreaming about our future
Together
I could hold her forever
Because I love her
All of herI really do.

It is she who bakes me homemade wheat bread from scratch and surprises me with loaves of it
Just because she knows I HATE white bread
It is she who bakes me homemade chocolate chip cookies
Just because she knows I have a sweet tooth
That's the only reason
She loves me
Too
I love her.... all of her....I really do.

The Power of the Pen

The Power of the Pen is my book's namesake and the introduction poem at the beginning of my book. Enjoy....

Often times I wonder if the words that I write come from within....
Sometimes I am convinced that they derive from the power of the pen
When I have a pen in my hand; I have so much to say
Sometimes I feel the need to voice concern and the pen is my only way
When I have a pen in my hand; people actually hear my voice
When they read my thoughts, they understand; they have no other choice
Simply because the pen makes all of my emotions clear
The pen erases all of my fears
The pen expresses my deepest feelings and leaves no room for pain
As long as I keep a pen in my hand; I will never be lonely again....

You Are To Me....short, sweet and simple

I had the most unique relationship with my paternal grandmother, Opal. She was my best-friend. Though I wrote this poem for her for her 72nd birthday, she passed away a month later. This poem was on display next to her casket at the funeral. May she rest in peace. Life just hasn't been quite the same without her....

You are to me
Like honey is to a bee
You are to me like waves are to the sea
You are to me like a cool breeze on a steamy night
You are to me like darkness is to light
Grandma, dear Grandma of mine
Grandma, you are my sunshine....

To be continued

Part Two of a Love Confession (picking up where part one left off)

It's important to note that in my book, there will be a series called "Love Confessions." Each "confession" sort of picks up where its predecessor left off. Here's part two:

Not even that shit that you put me through can stop me from confessing
Because when I rolled over and discovered that I was in your arms; I realized that you are a blessing
In disguise
And when I looked in your eyes
I realized
That your love is like a thousand rainbows falling from the sky....
And love is what I feel when I think of you and I
And love is you lying next to me
And when I think about love you are all that I see
Endlessly....
And I would give you my final heart beat
My last breath
My final wish
I would give anything if our love can just remain like this
Endless
And in total bliss
For eternity
Just you and me
Infinitely
Indefinitely
Passionately
You see....
I love you

Part One of a Love Confession

Sitting in this empty room with my tongue all twisted and tied

Regretful for hiding my true feelings for you; worried about what we look like to the outside

Shit, after all we do argue too much

I'm sure they realize that too

And they are probably wondering why I continue

To give my love to you

After all the shit you've put me through

But nothing in this world has ever prevented me from confessing my love for you

Not even that shit that you put me through

So why should I stop now?

You see, through it all you are the vessel that keeps the blood flowing through my veins

You are that single ray of sunlight that shines through on my darkest days

You are the only one I desire to be arm in arm with when I roll over after a good night's sleep

As long as I live, you will always be a part of me

As long as it is air that I breathe

And blood that I bleed

Always and forever, for eternity

Just you and me

You see

I love you

Yeah, we break up and we make up, sometimes as soon as the very next day

Shit, you even tried to move to another state

But you came right back to me because neither one of us wanted it to be that way-for real

I mean, I have made sacrifices, and you have too

We've promised each other the world

We daydream together

Cuddle up tight together

In the coldest weather

Tell each other secrets about our pasts

Cry to each other hoping this love thing will last

As long as our lives do

Forever

For eternity

Just you and me

You see….

I love you

The Spoken Word MUST Be SPOKEN!!!!

Strong words come out of this mouth. Words that the world needs to hear. So I release them without any fear. Haven't you heard? I am an artist of the SPOKEN WORD. Corny? I know.... 

The Writer Needs Some Sleep....

Just one of those days where writing was the only thing on my mind....didn't sleep for 24 hours. Damn poetry!!!! 

The Writer Behind The Mask....in deep thought

Thinking deep on the oh-so-long drive to Kansas from Texas.... 

The Writer Behind The Mask....

Hookah love.... at the Velvet Hookah in Dallas, Texas.